Long Overdue: Adoption Update

First, I will apologize for the radio silence on the adoption front. There is no good reason for it. It is just… hard. It is hard to know what to share, it is hard to know what and how much people want to hear.  I often feel like when I am talking about adoption I am talking a foreign language. I get it, it is complex process and I didn’t understand the language before I was chest deep, but it is often times hard to explain where we are in the process without a lot of detail. Those may all seem like good reasons I haven’t regularly shared…but, I have also been stuck. I have been stuck behind my pride.

You see the problem is that I was going to be the valedictorian of adoption. I was going to be the valedictorian of the Dossier. I was going to get an A+ on this whole adoption gig.  That is who I am.  That is pride in my work and that is self-destructing, sinful pride at its very best worst.

So what is this all about? Simply put: It wasn’t supposed to take this long.  Sure, we knew the whole adoption could take a very long time.  The average adoption from Ethiopia takes 18-24 months. But it wasn’t supposed to take us this long… not for us, not for me.  It is hard to feel so close and so far away all at the same time. And it is hard to realize that I am not in control. 

So as things took longer than we had hoped, as we faced challenges and obstacles, it got harder to talk about. I wasn’t “knocking it out of the park”, and that was terribly frustrating. So it was easier to be quiet than to try to explain… It was hard to admit that I wasn’t the valedictorian of the adoption process. So there it is: I am not the valedictorian of the adoption process.  It has taken us longer than others. And that is okay.  We are okay.  And we are moving forward. 

Let me be clear: My pride and control was very much about the process, the paperwork, the checkboxes.  I have never once thought or believed I would be the valedictorian as a mother through adoption. My heart remains broken for the child that will be ours and my love for that child grows deeper each day.

So where are we now?  We are processing that this adoption journey is not in our control.  I am learning the process is not a test, or a race, or a competition. Though we have always known that and have willingly invited God into the process with us, we are  learning to let go and give it to Him.

Do not worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

We give this to God.  He knows when and exactly how much money we will need to move forward.  He knows what child is meant to be ours.  He knows our path, our journey.  And we thank Him.  We thank God for all of the people that have contributed to our journey, whether financially or with love, prayer and support. We have truly been blessed in so many ways thus far and we are truly thankful for that.  So, we will not worry, we will pray, and we will receive God’s peace. 

In practical terms, we are waiting.  Waiting, waiting, waiting.  As you may know, the adoption agency we were working with essentially faced a perfect storm that resulted in its filing for bankruptcy.  Though this was a very difficult obstacle for us, because we had not yet submitted our Dossier, we are likely much better off than many families. With that happening early this year, we switched agencies, revised our Dossier for our new agency (much of the paperwork is agency related/specific), and submitted our Dossier in March. At this point, we are waiting for a referral. Literally, any day we could receive a phone call with news that we have been matched with a child.  And oh, what a joyous day that will be. I wish I could predict when that would happen.  It is common to get a referral within 4 months of Dossier submission, which for us would be mid-July, but truly, there are so many factors, it is unrealistic to predict.   

Thank you for letting me share. I know this is a little “deeper” than our usual posts, but the reality is – this is a part of our beautiful, chaotic life. Thank you for walking alongside us in this journey.  From this point forward, I will step out from behind my pride and keep you all posted. And, honestly, if any of you have questions, please shoot me an email or give me a call. I would love to keep you in the know!

 We will be back to our regularly scheduled program of summer nonsense including: swimming, branding, running, fishing, camping and fun in the sunshine soon.